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  • Writer's pictureQuique Autrey

3 Simple Ways to Show Appreciation to Your Spouse Every Day


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Relationships are not perfect. A marriage is two imperfect individuals trying to build a life together. According to Dan Wile, "when choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems." The goal of a healthy relationship is to navigate these "unresolvable problems" with patience and respect.


I see a lot of bickering in my therapy office. To bicker is to argue about unimportant matters. When I bicker with my spouse, there is usually an undertone of frustration and negativity. Therapist Shemena Johnson believes that bickering is a "slow, low-intensity warfare that can lead to the demise of a relationship." Bickering is a form of water torture that erodes the pillars of zest in a marriage.

The antidote to bickering is the cultivation of gratitude and the expression of appreciation.


Below are 3 simple ways to show appreciation to your spouse every day.


#1: Start a Gratitude Journal


Pen on open notebook

Even though the main focus is improving your marriage, I think it's important to encourage an individual practice. Since bickering usually stems from an overemphasis on the negative, starting a gratitude journal can help you focus on the positive. Important research suggests that cultivating gratitude can improve your mental health.


I encourage my clients to start small. Pick one thing each day that you are grateful for. Write it down and think about it throughout the day. The more you can focus on the positive, the easier expressing appreciation will be.


#2: Text Your Partner Your Appreciation


Black woman sits on couch and looks at mobile phone

A text seems insignificant. With a little intention and thoughtfulness, a text can be a powerful way to connect with your partner and encourage them. I try to text my wife something I appreciate about her at least once a day.


Highlight something they did for you that meant a lot. Point out something about their appearance you really enjoy. Reflect on the ways your partner has loved you in the last few days. Here are a few examples:

  • Thank you for being my best friend!

  • I appreciate that you washed the dishes when I was stressed last night.

  • You look so sexy in that dress. I'm grateful to be married to such a beautiful woman.

  • I'm happy we spent time last night reflecting on our hopes for the future.

Get creative! Try not to text the same thing every day. Building a rhythm of expressing your appreciation can be a powerful antidote to contempt in the relationship.


#3: Schedule an Appreciation Ritual


Black couple sit happily together at a table

Rituals are intentional, repeated ways that we connect with our partner. Establishing rituals of connection with your partner can help strengthen your relationship.


An appreciation ritual does not have to be elaborate, extravagant or expensive. Setting aside five minutes a day to share a few things you appreciate about your partner could make a huge difference. Some couples prefer connecting in the morning before work and others right before bed.


My wife and I try to have our connection ritual after dinner. We sit in two big chairs and share what we appreciated most about the other person that day. It doesn't have to be a profound experience. It's really a way for us to focus on the positive and express our love in a tangible way.



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Start Your Neurodiverse Couple's Therapy Journey with Quique Autrey: Katy, Tx & Houston


You don't have to figure all this out on your own. If you don't know what to do next, please contact me and set up your first appointment. I am here to help. I can work with you and your partner to help strengthen your marriage. I'm just off of I-10 and 99. I am centrally located for those living in Katy and Houston. To start your neurodiverse couple's therapy journey, follow these simple steps: 1. Contact Katy Teen & Family Counseling.


2. Schedule your first appointment with Quique Autrey.


3. Begin your neurodiverse couple's therapy journey and start improving your relationship.


Your neurodiverse marriage does not have to be so difficult. I want you to realize you can take steps towards improving it. I want you to believe in a brighter future. Imagine what life will look like for your marriage when it is stronger.​ The mission at Katy Teen & Family Counseling is to restore hope, happiness, and connected family relationships. I look forward to starting this process of hope and healing with you!




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